I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
