just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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