I hope mine doesn't look like that
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
