just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
