My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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