I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
