I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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