Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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