Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
