All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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