i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
