my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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