So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
