dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
