I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
