Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
