I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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