I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
