she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Drake has all the answers
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
