The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
