Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
