so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
