Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
