How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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