just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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