So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
whose ass print is on the piano?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
