i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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