He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
