So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
