I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
