No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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