we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
