happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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