When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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