When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
