A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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