best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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