Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
