remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
