A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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