Redeem this text for a blowjob
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
