If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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