I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
