Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
