I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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