chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
