dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
