i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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