Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
