Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
